Preventative Mastectomy

Angelina Jolie wallpaper

So what do we think of Angelina Jolie’s preventive mastectomy, and of the procedure in general? Right from the get-go I want to say that I honestly do not  judge Jolie or any other woman who decides on this course of action, nor do any of us have the right to do so. It’s entirely up to each woman to do what she thinks best for herself–which doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion. Or maybe it’s not actually an opinion, it’s more about what I might do in the same situation.

When I first heard about preventive mastectomy a few years ago I was horrified–especially since some women were having it who didn’t know what their chances of getting breast cancer were. Maybe their mother had it, or even an aunt or female ancestor further back. That seemed to me the height of paranoia, even female self-hatred. Jolie’s mother died of ovarian cancer in 2007, however, so Angelina got herself  tested. She has an 87% chance of getting breast cancer. Eighty-Seven Fucking Percent. PLUS, a 50% chance of getting ovarian cancer. Lousy odds.

From what I’ve read in comments and op-eds, women are doing most of the talking, and the majority are cheering Angelina on, congratulating her courage and noting the depth of her demonstrated motherly devotion. She deserves the cheering, and the public kudos for undergoing such a radical procedure that’s left her without breasts for the next half of her life. Jolie’s fairly young–37–which is a huge factor when making this kind of decision, but it can probably work in either direction, I would think. At my age, for instance–67–I wouldn’t do it. What for? We’re all gonna die of something. Were I 37, though, I don’t know if I would have made the decision to live without my breasts. Then again, 87%…Still…

Whoa, it’s so fucking hard!

I’m wondering how this is going to affect Angelina’s life. Will she lose out on any acting roles because of it?

Gwyneth Paltrow 2008. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

People magazine recently featured Gwyneth Paltrow on their cover, captioned as The Most Beautiful Woman In the World. I did a double-take, on line at the supermarket, and then I laughed out loud. Gwyneth Paltrow? My sister once described her as “bland,” comparing her to Marilyn Monroe. I think Paltrow is kinda cute…but The Most Beautiful? Shit, I remember when Liz Taylor held that distinction–but she deserved it. If you ask me–and nobody has–Angelina Jolie deserves the moniker today. Maybe Michelle Pfeiffer, but I suppose she’s too old (and come to think of it, Liz was considered beautiful in her 60s). Gwyneth Paltrow? The Most?

 

I’ve gotten off track here, but I do have a point. If the Hollywood power mongers think GP is more gorgeous than AJ, what will they think of a breastless AJ? Does that sound awful? Am I a bad person for thinking and/or saying that? I can’t be the only one to whom these thoughts occur. I honestly do think Angelina is just as gorgeous post-op–after all, I was never privy to her breasts! But knowing the ways of the world and the people in it, I strongly suspect these issues are, at the very least, on people’s minds.

I knew a woman who had breast cancer that wasn’t diagnosed until it had reached Stage 4. Everyone expected her to die soon. Ultimately she had a bone marrow transplant of her own bone marrow–and she lived another ten years, so she was around until her kids grew up, more or less. It makes me wonder: Couldn’t someone with a strong chance of getting breast cancer get checked every six months or more and have the mastectomies if and when those fucker cells do invade her body? Just askin’.

Anything you don’t need, Lenny?

I keep remembering a scene in Law & Order where Anita (S. Epatha Merkerson) patiently explains to Lenny (Jerry Orbach) that the articles he skips “on your way to the sports section” are kept in her night table drawer. He and partner Ray (Benjamin Bratt) scoff at the idea of a woman hesitating about surgery when it can save their life. She aims a deadly glare at Lenny and asks, ” Oh yeah? Can you think of a part of your body you might wanna keep?”

I can. Angelina, you are in my heart and mind a lot these days. With all the people thinking about you, feeling for you, talking about you, your vibe on Planet Earth must be so powerful, this might be a good time to do something daring, something risky…oh, yeah…you already did. Good luck baby girl. In my book YOU  are The Most Beautiful Woman in the World, bar none.

Related articles

• Angelina Jolie reveals she had double mastectomy (thetimes.co.uk)
• Angelina Jolie Writes She Had Double Mastectomy (npr.org)
• Breast Cancer Experts Available to Weigh in on Angelina Jolie Double Mastectomy (prweb.com)

Big Blue Eyes

Garry Moore, quintessential 50s TV emcee. Photo: Wikipedia

Some time around 1950, my mother sent away for free tickets to some corny daytime television show. I don’t recall what it was, only that it wasn’t a soap opera or game show. The emcee, to whom I was rude, blunt, and contemptuous, might have been Garry Moore. The sponsor I vividly remember: Chef Boy-ar-Dee. At

the end of the program each mother-child pair marched across the stage, shook the emcee’s hand, and received a can of ravioli. This ceremony was televised, was part of the programming.

When it was our turn, the emcee smiled at me and cooed, “Where’d you get those big blue eyes?” Four years old, I thought he was an idiot. “I was born with them!” I said, silently conveying the tag, “Stupid!” He was taken aback, but luckily we had to keep moving so the next kid could get a can of ravioli.

My little playmate Barry was home in his Bronx apartment watching TV and sucking his thumb. When I came on camera he shrieked, “That’s my Marcy!” Or so his mother told me. I guess he didn’t notice my bitchiness—or maybe he was used to it. Or maybe it made perfect sense to Barry that I called a grownup on his bullshit: of course I was born with my blue eyes—where else would I have gotten them? For years I’d tell this story for laughs, proud of my youthful honesty. Now, having reached an age where I know who I am and how I got here, I see that my behavior came from a personality in development, one that I cultivated and honed and carried with me into the future. It was not a personality likely to generate success in most areas of life.

The evidence was on my quarterly report card: in first grade, when they only gave out “S” for Satisfactory or “U” for Un, straight S’s ran down and across for every subject but one: “Works well with Others.” Unsatisfactory! Marcy does not work well with others! These days a parent who saw a report card like that would rush their kid to the nearest shrink. My parents ignored it.

Cartoon: Dane Anthony

 

This wasn’t really unusual; in fact, it would’ve been considered odd if they had consulted a shrink. That’s the way my generation’s parents were: they pushed us out the door in the morning and expected us back by supper. We were to do our homework without their help, do well in school, wash our face and comb our hair. They were nothing like today’s “helicopter” parents.

The other day I heard someone roughly my age on a podcast, talking about the parenting style of the generation who raised us, who raised me. It might’ve been Marc Maron, who I listen to a lot, but he’s younger. Whoever it was, he joked that our parents won World War II, saving us from living in a Hitleresque world

Photo: “Life Under Nazism” from Center for Holocaust& Gender Studies/http://www.chgs.umn.edu/histories/documentary/nazilife/index.html

under Nazism; now what more could we possibly want from them? The guy he was talking to said he didn’t think our generation could’ve done it, that we could not have won the war. He had a point.

Still. I’m not the only one who was raised by a system of benign neglect (or worse). I’m not the only one struggling not to be bitter, who genuinely wants to stop blaming my parents for my problems. I’m not the only baby boomer who would like to be able to forgive them.

Dead or alive, they deserve no less.

 

Abducted Women and Toxic Masculinity

WARNING: This post may devolve into uncontrollable cursing. Sometimes it’s the only kind of language appropriate for the subject/ event.

from abcnews

Cruel men. Lack of appropriate sex education and fight-back mentality for girlchildren. Stupid cops. A culture of toxic masculinity. All are part of the complex web that led to the abduction, torture, rape and imprisonment of three teenage girls. Neighbors ay they repeatedly called local police with reports of naked women chained up outside and other strange happenings at a house in Cleveland, Ohio. The cops claim to have no records of such reports. As Marvin Gaye sang, “Makes me wanna holler.”

Most of the news reports I’ve read and heard have been a bit gentler on the police, but Democracy Now goes straight for the jugular, interviewing  reporters for the Cleveland Scene, Eric Taylor and Jaclyn Friedman. The latter is also co-author of a book in which she writes about our culture of “toxic masculinity,” Yes Means Yes:Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape.

Ariel Castro
A Real Charmer

There’s not much to say that you won’t find elsewhere–this story’s being looked at and published from every conceivable angle. Hopefully the stupid cops who ignored the plight of women once again–remember Jaycee Dugard?–will not go unpunished. But, as Jaclyn Friedman said, “Until we create justice structures” that recognize and try to prevent male dominance over women, this kind of shit is unlikely to stop, or to be effectively punished when it does occur.

I am just so pissed off. Fuck Ariel Castro and men like him. Fuck cops who don’t give a shit about women. Fuck incompetence and stupidity. Fuck dominating men who fuck up the planet and everyone on it. Fuck ‘em all.

Related articles

• Cleveland suspect Ariel Castro had police file from child abduction inquiry (guardian.co.uk)
• Abducted teens captive for ‘decade’ (dailytelegraph.com.au)
• Meet Charles Ramsey, the internet’s newest hero (o.canada.com)
• Failure of Upbringing: Hegemonic/Toxic Masculinity (jmuwomensstudentcaucus.wordpress.com)
• Clevelanders Ask How Abducted Women Were Held Without Notice (npr.org)

Yankees 2013: A Ghostly Team

Derek Jeter: Broken ankle still not healed, on 60-day DL. A-Rod: Hip surgery during off-season, on 60-day DL. Curtis Granderson, fractured forearm, on 15-day DL. Mark Teixeira, strained right wrist, 15-day DL. Francisco Cervelli, fractured right hand, playing it day-by-day. Ivan Nova, triceps inflammation, 60-day DL. Joba Chamberlain, strained right oblique, 15-day DL. David Robertson, sore left hamstring, day by day. Kevin YouKillUs (yes, the former Red Sox guy), lumbar spine strain, 15-day DL.

Enough?

Bear in mind that most of these guys have been on the DL since before Opening Day, so they haven’t played yet this year at all. More important, those 15 or 60 DL days are frequently extended once they’re up. Jeter, for instance, spent most of the off-season with his ankle in a brace, riding around his mansion on a scooter.  He was expected to play come April 1^st but has yet to swing a bat other than in practice—and after seeing him hanging around the dugout, I think he’d best get himself on a weight reduction plan, stat!

Yesterday, May 4^th, I watched a complete game for the first time this season. It took me a month to face the sight of my beloved team replaced by a former Red Sox player and a bunch of strangers. Yankee Stadium was half empty—unprecedented—so apparently I’m not alone. I knew precisely four of the guys in the lineup. It was like watching the A’s—who in fact they were playing—at the start of every new season when they’ve invariably been overhauled. I knew just

Joe Torre

two of their players–but that’s not unusual. When Joe Torre managed the Yankees I could easily recite the rarely changed lineup. It isn’t my aging brain cells at fault; it’s the players’ aging process. That and demented management.

Despite the Yankees’ decimation-by-injury, they’re doing all right. Except for Nova’s recent injury, the pitching rotation seems to be in good shape. Yesterday Phil Hughes threw eight scoreless innings. The Yankees won 4-2, but the score leaped there from 4-0 as soon as a reliever came in. Joe Girardi did the right thing for once, and immediately called in Mariano Rivera. (He’s got 11 saves so far in what he’s declared will be his final season.) Robinson Cano is on the top ten MLB home run list  with 8, and he has an OBP of 352 and a 309 average.  They’ve won 17 games and lost 11, putting them in second place in AL East. The Red Sox are ahead with 20 wins, riding the wave of good will in the wake of the intense emotions swirling around Boston. (Not saying they’re doing anything wrong, just that some of the love pouring over Boston after the marathon bombing spills naturally over the Sox, who are so closely identified with the city, state and just about all of New England.)

A few ranting words at management for dumping Nick Swisher and Raoul Ibanez are in order. Instead we now have Lyle Overbay and Travis Hafner, both baseball elders even though we constantly hear that the Yankees desperately

Lyle Overbay

need young blood.

Still, if the guys can do as well as they are with a Red Sox and strangers, just imagine what’ll happen when the Old Guard returns, well rested and ready to kick ass!

Related articles

• Oblique strain forces Joba to 15-day DL (mlb.mlb.com)
• Yankees place Youkilis on DL for ailing back (espn.go.com)
• Cashman: Yankees Captain Jeter Likely To Begin Season On DL (newyork.cbslocal.com)

Richie Havens Dies

I was clicking away online looking for a book I’d heard of earlier when the headline jumped out at me: Richie Havens had died of a

Richie Havens in 2006 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

heart attack. My own heart skipped a beat as I remembered that big beautiful man who hung around Woodstock, where I lived in the 1970′s, who sang and played guitar at venues around town, and who once gave me one of the best hugs I’ve ever gotten from anyone.

I’d gone up to the Green Room at the Joyous Lake, where Richie was playing that night, and asked him to make an announcement about a committee I was working with to free political prisoners. That’s when he hugged me.  I’ll never forget it. Nor will I forget his performance that night, when he closed with Freedom, singing and strumming as he slowly danced backwards out the door of the club.

I told someone Richie was “a lovely man,” and they said, “Oh, how do you know that?” I know it because of the feeling in that hug. I know it because I knew a few people who knew him intimately. I know it because of the way he shouted “Freedom” from the bottom of his soul.

Rest in Peace, sweet Richie. We won’t be seeing the likes of you again.

Related articles

• Woodstock folk singer Richie Havens dies (wcvb.com)

Damages—In Fiction and In Life

Patty Hewes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been renting and watching the TV drama Damages, starring a brilliant Glenn Close. It’s one of the best shows I’ve seen on the small screen, and I getan immediate rush whenever that red envelope appears in my mailbox. I especially like watching four or five episodes in one delicious sitting, rather than waiting a dreary week in between each. Patty Hewes, the main character played by Close, is a Class A bitch and hard to like—some might say impossible to like. I’ve worked at liking her, though: as cruel as Patty can be, underneath beats a clichéd heart of gold. The stereotype of the whore with a heart of gold is outdated: of course whores have hearts of gold; these days they’re the girls next door. Hewes is an attorney: a lawyer with a heart of gold is so rare she cannot be classified a stereotype.

No matter what intricate evil plots Patty arranges to manipulate the people around her, though, she hasn’t tortured anyone physically, nor has she ordered torture be done in her name. (Murder, sure; torture, never!) In the fourth season, however, the plot incorporates the war in Afghanistan, and in the first episode the audience is treated to scenes of torture—nothing involving Patty, thank god. During the first four eps, I actually had to leave the room, and I’m seriously questioning whether or not to skip this season (the show went five years, so that’d leave me with just one more season).

The 101st Division Special Troops Battalion watch as helicopters fly in to take them back to Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan, Nov. 4, 2008 after searching a small village in the valley below for IED materials and facilities. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here’s my philosophy on depictions of cruelty:

When I saw Schindler’s List—which I cannot believe came out over 20 {gasp} years ago—I went to the bathroom midway through. Unlike the frantic race I usually run to pee and get back to a movie quickly, this time I lingered. I saw the harrowed look on my face in the mirror, and vowed inwardly to never again see a Holocaust movie. A few years later, watching Amistad, I made the same vow regarding slavery—and extended these vows to books. The way I figure it, by now I know enough, certainly a great deal, about both horrendous subjects; in fact, when I was young and just learning world history, I was inexplicably drawn to stories of human cruelty, and I devoured books and movies about the epic tragedies of history. By now, however, with cruelty still going strong, and between my own pain and suffering and that of people I love, I’ve

Still of Djimon Hounsou in Amistad.Photo: IMDB

witnessed enough for one lifetime. I don’t want or need to fill my eyes with hideous visions, or my head and heart with the agony that runs rampant through the human story. I’m well aware that horrid things are being done to people even as I write these words; I don’t need to be reminded. Thus, I made those vows and never looked back–except, perhaps, for a painful book or three. A serious reader can’t avoid, nor would I want to, books that include pain and suffering.

In the case of Damages, however, I feel a bit uneasy–not full-blown guilty, just somewhat uneasy—turning my back on Season 4 and its terrorist/torture plot. (Each season focuses on one central plotline from first to last episode.) That would be refusing to acknowledge what the United States, of which I am a natural born citizen, is doing to people in my name. Some even accuse those of us who don’t protest of giving the government our tacit approval of their heinous deeds.

I already know what the U.S. is doing, whether I watch the show or not. I listen to or watch Democracy Now almost every day, I read progressive magazine articles, and I’m on nearly every left-wing group’s spam list. I listen to NPR and KPFA. I’ve also seen other TV shows, like Law & Order, that weave stories of “The War on Terror” into their plots—I could tell you exactly what’s going to happen in Damages Season 4, so similar is it to other programs on the subject. In other words, I do know what’s going on, and I’m doing nothing about it. I walked around Market Street objecting to war several times during the past decade. Didn’t stop the wars. Of course, I didn’t expect it to: when I march I do it for solidarity with other protesters, and to express my disapproval.

The U.S. is supposed to be leaving Afghanistan now—but that’s not the issue. The “takeaway” issue of this war turns out to be torture. Now that the U.S. has crossed that line they’re very likely to do so again. Does that mean I have to watch depictions of it? WTF am I supposed to do about it? What do Americans with a conscience do? What do you do?

Related articles

• Camp Nama: New Details of the US-Run Torture Prison in Iraq (antiwar.com)
• Just finished watching: DAMAGES (thefilministcritic.wordpress.com)
• The High Crime of Torture (counterpunch.org)
• U.S. Engaged in Torture After 9/11, Review Concludes (nytimes.com)

ACT II: Shoe Store

As promised, here’s the follow-up to my shoe-buying excursion of two weeks ago:

The 20something salesgirl who’d waited on me when I bought the high wedgies wasn’t there when I went back to exchange them two weeks later. I selected 4 pair of shoes to try on—again, all black open-toed sandals, but with a lower heel this time. The woman waiting on me came out of the back room carrying 5 boxes. Can you guess what was in the 5th box? Are you ready?

If you guessed “Old Lady Shoes” you are 100% correct! Same style as the other pair, except these were a putrid color resembling rotten salmon. “I brought these even though you didn’t ask for them…” she began. I couldn’t let it go this time,  just had to find out what was in these women’s minds. “Why did you think I’d like these?” I asked her. “Beause they match your coloring,” she replied. Oh boy—I don’t know which is more insulting, the age thing or her saying I match rotten fish. I told her that the other salesgirl had brought me a similar shoe last time, and in my opinion they’re old lady sheos.

“Old lady shoes?” she cried out, apparently shocked. “I have these shoes!” Hm. This was food for thought: I had to wonder about her coloring” statement, considering she was black and I am white. At this point I just told her I didn’t like them, and was obviously looking for a dressier shoe.

It occurs to me now that maybe the poor salesgirls are under orders to push this line, either because there’s a kickback coming, or the shoes aren’t selling—probably the latter, considering what they look like. In any case, I bought a pair of open-toed sandals with a low heel that are not only gorgeous and sexy, but totally comfortable.

Curtain Descends, End of Story

Old Lady Shoe

Related articles

• Old Shoes/New Shoes/High Shoes/Low/Old Ladies/Young Women/Tall Girls/Short (marcys.wordpress.com)
• The Shoe Conundrum: Why One Pair Is Never Enough

 

New Shoe